 |
Not sure how to handle this holiday if you've just started seeing each other? Follow this advice.
| | |
By Elise Nersesian
 veryone knows Valentine's Day is supposed to be the most magical day of the year for people in a relationship — the long-stemmed roses, the fancy dinners, the romance of it all. But what if February 14th rolls around when you've just begun dating someone? Sure, you're psyched about this person, but you haven't decided if you're actually in a |  | | The bottom line is, you don't have to honor this tradition if you don't want to. |
 |
relationship — or maybe you've only been out once or twice. How do you handle the big day: is a gift appropriate? Should you just buy a card? Does your date even want to celebrate? Relax and follow these dos and don'ts to sail through your first V-day together, worry-free.
Speak up in advance if you don't feel comfortable celebrating
If you're just not the flowers and hearts type, there's nothing wrong with that — the important thing is that you and your date are on the same page. So make sure your new sweetie knows how you feel before the 14th arrives. Learn a lesson from Allison, 28, who drove herself crazy last year when Valentine's Day rolled around and her crush had made no mention of plans. "Jake just acted like everything was normal," she recalls. "All day I'm waiting for a cute text message, even an e-card — and when none came, I worked myself into a tizzy, convinced he was seeing other people." As Jake, 30, puts it: "Hey, in my defense, we had only been on two dates! I didn't want to seem too eager." The bottom line is, you don't have to honor this tradition if you don't want to. It reveals nothing about the state of your relationship (or its future) if you don't buy into the buzz — but you could be dating an incurable romantic, so let that person know. You could always say something like, "Hey, I'm not really into the holiday, but I'm game to do something low-key, if you'd like." That way, you don't raise expectations and your date won't be disappointed.
Get creative with the date-planning
If you do decide to celebrate together, think outside the box. If you two are together next February 14th, then you can do the big, fancy dinner out. But for now, why not plan an activity that you both have never done before? Trying something new and somewhat daring (think salsa dancing, suspenseful movies) can make your adrenaline shoot up — and studies say that chemical rush triggers the same brain reaction as love, making two people feel more attracted to each other. Plus, you'll share an instant camaraderie when experiencing something brand new together.
Get over your gift anxiety
Valentine's Day puts loads of pressure on two people who are simply trying to get to know each other to suddenly become an item of the mushiest kind. Media images tell us Valentine's Day just isn't Valentine's Day without the traditional love tokens. Consider the situation of Jamie, 34: "I had been on two dates with Ben before Valentine's Day hit. He was such a low-key, simple guy, which was why I was totally surprised when I returned from lunch to find two dozen roses, a box of chocolates and a super-sweet note waiting on my desk. Although it was | | | I was actually looking forward to the holiday for once. | |
sweet, the gesture also felt insincere. I had a feeling he did something because he thought he had to… which didn't feel right."
So nix the oversized bouquets and teddy bears. (Ditto a gift of jewelry, which is over-the-top for new relationships.) Go low-key instead — a book or, say, the latest season of The Office on DVD. You can even discuss the prospect of presents in advance and set a spending limit. Says Mike, 30: "Kate and I had been dating for about 10 days, so a week before Valentine's Day, we decided to put a $10 limit on our gifts," says Mike, 30. "That pretty much meant we were looking at gag gifts which, to a guy, is always great. I was actually looking forward to the holiday for once." But if joke gifts aren't your bag, you can't go wrong with something yummy to eat or drink that you can share together, like a couple of chocolate truffles.
Don't feel like you have to get physical
So, the date was wonderful, the chemistry sizzled, you exchanged sweet little gifts… okay, now what? If you're feeling amorous and you want to take things further, that's totally OK. But often the rosy glow of Valentine's Day can subconsciously create pressure to get too close, too soon — perhaps before you two are really ready. "Last V-Day I dated this guy who went all out — fancy dinners, opera tickets, the works," says Liz, 30. "I wondered what he expected me to do in return, so I was tense the whole night." Don't let the self-induced pressure get to you: if you really like each other, maintaining some mystery with a lingering kiss at the door may be just the right move to leave you wanting more. Plus, most guys aren't expecting anything except a nice evening out. "I think most men feel the same way women do: Valentine's Day is about romance," says Brian, 29. "If we're celebrating it with you, it means we like you. A lot."
New York-based writer Elise Nersesian has written for Redbook and Cosmopolitan, among other magazines.
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you fear most at weddings? |
|
|
|
46% |
|
People asking you when you're going to finally tie the knot |
|
|
|
16% |
|
Awful bridesmaids outfits |
|
|
|
10% |
|
Footage appearing on 'America's Funniest Home Videos' |
|
|
|
12% |
|
Aunt Eunice on dance floor 'gettin' jiggy with it.' |
|
|
|
15% |
|
Accidentally catching the bouquet. |
|
|
|
|
|
|